9-13 year olds
What to expect from your child at this age
Many girls and some boys will reach puberty during this stage and they may be worried about what is happening to their bodies. Be ready to answer questions about growing up and body changes and reassure them that they are normal and that people come in all different shapes and sizes. It’s important to talk about boys having wet dreams and girls having periods with female and male children as these can come as quite a shock!
If you haven’t already it’s really important to start talking about sexuality, explaining what the words lesbian, gay, bisexual and heterosexual mean. It’s important to let your child know that people can love who they want and that you will love and support them whoever they are attracted to.
Books, leaflets and websites can help too. It’s good to check what they already know and be prepared to help them sort out incorrect and incomplete information. (See the Resources section of the for-parents site)
They might ask you…
Q. What’s pornography?
Q. What does having sex mean?
Q. Your son asks: Is it OK if I really like the way (fancy?) Jason (his best friend) looks?
Q. Is it normal that one breast is bigger than the other?
Q. Does sex hurt?
Q: What’s a blow-job?
To help with your answer, you might consider…
- Ask what they already know and double check you understand what they are asking first. This will help you start the conversation and also know where to take the conversation.
- Questions about sex specifically give you the opportunity to begin to talk about the importance of knowing if they are really ready for sex, about how to say what you want in a relationship and about consent – both people must really want to have sex and make it clear that they do. It is not OK to force or persuade someone to have sex.
- You can also talk about the importance of the emotional side of sexual relationships such as care, love and respect as these are often left out of the more science-based explanations of sex!
