13+
What to expect from your child at this age
Young people often think they know it all by this age and look more and more to their friends for help and information. But they often have things wrong, or only have half the answer and if you have been talking since your child was small, they are more likely to continue as they become teenagers. However, it’s never too late to start!
Young people can start having sex as young as 12 or as late as their 20s, everyone is different. The average age of first sex is 16 and so it’s important to talk to them about safer sex from their early teens, because even if they are not having sex they will probably know of young people who are. Reassure them that it is fine not to feel ready for sex at the same time as their peers and that they shouldn’t have sex just because their friends are.
As they become more independent they will want to make decisions for themselves so by giving them all the facts, you can help them to make an informed choice.
Some teenagers will realise that they are attracted to people of the same sex. This can be a very difficult, worrying time as they feel they are different to most of their friends. They will need to know that you will still love them and they can talk to you about this, whatever your own concerns are. For more information and sources of help go to the Sexuality section.
This is also a good time to talk about:
Being ready
You may be able to continue the conversation you began when they were younger and remind them that they shouldn’t give in to pressure to have sex. They should feel ready and be in a relationship with someone they care for and want to commit to. It’s also important they know not to put pressure on anyone else to have sex.
The consequences
Being truthful about the consequences of sex can help your child protect themselves when they decide they are ready for sex. Let them know about the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, and that only condoms protect against infections including HIV.
Contraception
When they feel ready to have sex, encourage them to talk to their partner about contraception and condoms. If they want to talk to someone about their options, they can visit a 4YP Bristol clinic.
They can also get free condoms throughout Bristol through the 4YP C-card scheme. There is more information on the main 4ypbristol.co.uk site.
They might say…
- All my mates have done it except me
- The boys at school tease me because I am flat chested/ have big boobs
- I think I might be pregnant.
- How do you catch HIV?
To help with your answer, you might consider…
- If your child takes you by surprise with a question or with what they are telling you, try to wait a moment before responding. Ask them to tell you a bit more, and also find out why they are asking and what they think they already know.
- If they need some information and you don’t know the answer, say you will find out, or even better, suggest you do this together straight away.
- They may need reassurance that they look normal – partly because of the changes that are happening to their bodies but also because of comments from other school pupils or from what they might have seen in the media. There are so many ‘perfect body’ images in advertising, magazines and on TV that young people need to be confident about their body and parents can give this reassurance.
- For information on where your child can go to talk with a professional about pregnancy, contraception, condoms and HIV and other sexually transmitted infections, go to the ‘I Need Help Now’ section. Or, you might like to read up on the topic yourself using this website.
